I am back to blogging. Very soon this blog is going to go private but for now I will keep it public for now.
The point is lately my parents have started looking for a girl for me to get married to. Infact I gave the green signal taking into consideration various timing parameters which I will go through at a later point. Now there is this girl whose alliance came in, I keep quiet for sometime and suddenly for some strange reason, I look up her name in google. Boom ! I see a cached heading which says she is dead. I go to the page and see that it was an Obituary and I read it to find that this girl had a crush on some one at the office and it didn't workout for what so ever reason. I read the post and I really felt nice that this girl had the guts to put it up on the web and a lot could be said about her attitude, like she being ambitious, aggressive and very talented. The post was on a very sportive note too ! I believe she is more talented than me. She writes really great. I then look at a photo album she put online of her trip to Andaman and more specifically THE KALAPANI. I liked the way she took the pics. I loved her guts to get a picture taken at a place where she wanted to, even though there were a couple of guys staring at her. I dont like the way she was treating the trip as fun time when the place has a real dark history. There were places she took pics in the cellular jail with a big smile and standing inside the cell, where I would have got very emotional and might have even had tears thinking of the great souls who lived there. It carries more significance because it is one place I want to and will go to pay my tribute to the great men who lived. I feel she is like me before I read and tried to take serious note of what Kalapani is really about. I believe that someday, she will learn more about kalapani and be on the same page as I am.
Now I get more intrigued with the girl I start reading the other posts. It was very clear from her posts that this is a marvelous lady who is like me in many ways. I am convinced she is a fighter. But then i saw a post of hers and discovered something about myself which I cant still believe. I saw a post of hers and it said 'first taste of liquor'. My heart sank !! I cant f***** believe that my heart sank. I didnt feel good about it. Agreed I had taken too much pains, paid a big price for not drinking, I felt cheated ! That is when I realised I like this girl ! Yeah she is my crush. I can hear a big cry from my friend bala who will be reading this post at some point of time and say "Midhun will never change !". The next thing which hurt me more was 'my first dinner date'. I cant again believe it hurt me!!! I have been on a date many times ! There is nothing wrong with it. You try to know some one and if things work out well good else we go apart. Logically I have absolutely no problems with the concept of her going on a date but still I felt strangely bad. I got pissed at myself for having reacted like that. I know no one was looking at me but I have to be truthful to myself. I feel soo good after confessing it. I feel as if that weakness of mine is out now that I have put it in public. I feel stronger. Knowing oneself every day is definitely the joy of life.
If i were to be introduced to this girl by some other friend, I would have definitely hit on her. But unfortunately this is a setup of Arranged Marriage. So I feel it is absolutely inappropriate on myside to make a contact with her unless I get the contact information from official channels , meaning her father. Also in arranged marriage you need to look at physical beauty too which I have stopped giving importance ages ago. I don't mean to say she is bad looking, she IS beautiful, but the problem is she is a bit heavy and I will not be able to do things which really want to do with my parter in life. Now people, dont start getting ideas, most of the things are rated 'U' like the classic hindi movie shot of hero carrying the heroine on a small road with a very scenic background. I am not going to lie that there are no 'A' rated things but the very fact that they are rated such will imply I am not going to write them here :D
Now I am thinking what she knows about me. Did her father tell atleast my name ? Did he approach my parents after asking her about me ? Did she ever visit my blog like I just did hers ? I really feel nice. But coming back to reality, will she be able to keep up with the rate I will be loosing weight and getting in shape ? Will she do it ? Should I talk to her about it ? or for that matter should I talk to her at all about anything ? I would love to talk to her but I really need to know from her side first right ? Yeah here I am going to use the famous statement for my selfish use "Ladies first" :D
I also see a risk factor here, we are both very ambitious and aggressive, if we both work together we will achieve a lot for sure, but what if we both hit a case where we are in totally opposite direction ? Something which is fundamentally rooted inside us ? I am sure she is pretty mature and we would try explaining each other the point and get to an agreement, but in the practicality there would be a stage where we both get egoistic and loose it. Then what ? As long as the initiative to be together remains it will be solved for sure I am confident of that cos if every thing fails I would say "Wife is the boss and boss is always correct :D" But to take up this risk there should be love and understanding which is not in the scope of an arranged marriage !
So after all this rant, I have come to one conclusion, 'Let me give this issue more time and see how it goes :D'
I feel much better now .......
